Professor of Bristolian

   The Story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears Retold in Bristolian     Once upon a time, mind, thur wuz this lit lun, this little girl, like, 'n she wuz cawd Gawdilocks wont she, 'n she lived out Embray in Brissdawl. Yeah, 'n one day she went out for a walk 'n that, din't she, out up they Blaise Woods, mind! She found a gert 'ouse up thur 'n awl, din't she! Yeah, so she knocked on the door like 'n none of they bleeders inside answered did 'em! So bein' a gert nosey little cow she walked in 'n 'ad a gert nose around din't she!         Gawdilocks gone 'n went in the kitchen, like, 'n she seen free bawls o' porridge on the table 'n cuz she wuz gert ungray she fawt she'd taste the porridge from awl the bawls, mind! So she tasted the porridge frum the furse bawl.     "Too bleedin' 'ot!" she goes. "I cassen't eat this!"     So she went 'n tried the porridge frum the second bawl.

Since I launced the Bristolian map of Bristol (below) on my Professor of Bristolian Facebook Page , with almost every district spelt the gert proper Bristolian way, it has entered Bristolian folklore. However, it is not the first map that I created with the uniqueness of Bristolian spelling. As can be see below, there was also a map of the world created with all the countries spelt the Bristolian way. Note too, that there are no monkeys in the Arctic region, that the Specific Oshyun lies between Ashiawl and Norf Americawl and that Antarticawl is down thur somewhere to the Souf, completely off of the map! Of course, the Bristolian take on geography doesn't stop with maps of the world and the City of Bristol. No, there is also Europe to consider, although why Denmark has been renamed as Primark is rather beyond me. And our display of helpful maps, for all of you who are studying the Bristolian language, would not be complete without a map of the UK spelt the gert

Here are some classic videos to help you practise your Bristolian pronuciation. You will see that underneath the Bristolian text there is a translation of the text into English. This should be a great help to you in understanding the beautiful Bristolian language. 1. Bristolian Talkin' Tom's Bristol Accent Oozes Sexines!   Awl rite me awd babs? Yer, I bin watchin' Youtube 'n I seen that so-cawd comic Russell 'Oward. Eeze frum Fornbree, right? Which is near Bristol, like. 'E av said tha' iss impossible to sound sexy wiv a Wess Cuntray accent. Woss 'e bleedin' on bout? I speaks wiv a Bristol accent. Yeah, 'n every time I speaks I oozes sexiness dunneye?! Yeah, awl they lady Bristolian cats, they gert swoons over I when I speaks. I dunno 'ow Pretty Kitty puts up wiv it awl. Thees wrong Russell 'Oward! English translation:- Hello my friends. By the way, I've been watching Youtube and I've seen that that so-called comic R

A Brief Guide To Bristolian Grammar Introduction Relatively recently there have been reports in the British press that the Bristolian dialect or language is in danger of dying out. It seems that more and more outsiders are moving to the city and bringing their rather varied versions of standard English to Bristol whilst ignoring completely the local tongue of the true natives or even going so far as ridiculing it! This is linguistic heresy at its worst! So, as a Professor of Bristolian , I wish to continue the good work done by one of my finest students Terry Crouch, aka Terry the Oddjobman , who produced the DVD Terry’s Bristolian Language Lessons in which I made a cameo appearance (and very honoured to do so I was too). In this little book I wish to reacquaint all Bristolians, and outsiders too of course, with the grammatical structure of their language along with some pronunciation tips and the context in which the language is used in every day Bristol