The Alternative Bristol Funny List

Yer, while I wuz on Facebook earlier today (on me normal page not me Professor of Bristolian page) I got into an exchange, mind, in which The Bristol Funny List: 50 of the city's funniest men and women wuz mentioned. Yeah, this wuz in the Bristol Post, mind, bout a year ago. Well, I wuz finkin' that thur wuz too many celebrities in the list, like, and too many peepaw wot ain't got the strongest connection wiv the city, mind. So I fawt it 'ud be a good ideawl to do The Alternative Bristol Funny List: 10 of the city's funniest men, women and creatures. See, the rawls arr that they cassen't be in the Bristol Post list nor be gert famous celebrities 'n that, bu' Bristolian creatures in the form of animated cartoons is allowed innum! So in no partic'lar order of ooze the funniest, yer goes.
1. Bristolian Talkin' Tom
The mazen tomcat wot wuz found in a shoebox as a kitten be'ind they shops in Crow Lane, Embray. Eeze a bit full of 'isself, bu' when 'e reminds us that cats like 'e wuz worshipped as gods in Ancient Egypt is easy to unnerstand innit!
 

2. Bristolian Father Christmas 
Bristolian Father Christmas av ad a 'uge impact on Bristolians now they knows the troof bout 'e. 'N they loves 'is kind'earted nature 'n 'is endearin' innocence dunnem. Member when 'e got caught out by they lads wot looked like The Beach Boys?!
  
3. Ank The Andsome Dog From Ore Field 
Ank The Andsome Dog From Ore Field is a gashead so he ain't so popular wiv they Bristol City fans. Mind you, 'e do come out wiv some funny stuff, mind. Member ow 'e wuz singin' Goodnight Irene when the gas got promoted to League One?!

4. Little Ginger
Little Ginger is Bristolian Talkin' Tom's nephew innee 'n 'e shares the same sense of humour 'n self-confidence. Some of 'is mates 'is a bit too much for 'e, mind, speshly they meader cats wot beats up tigers!

5. The Professor Of Bristolian
Course none of these characters is real is 'em! They wuz awl created by the Professor Of Bristolian for 'is Facebook Page wonnem! Yer, the Professor of Bristolian 'elps wiv the pronuciation from A Dictionary Of Bristle. 'E do fink iss a great little book, mind, bu' 'e don't like Bristol bein' spelt Bristle or Brizzle cuz 'e don't fink iss authentic. 'E finks Brissdawl or Brisstawl is more like wot Bristolians pronounces it.

6. Terry The Oddjob Man
Wivout arr Terr there 'ud be no Professor of Bristolian cuz arr Terr introduced the Professor in 'is Terry's Bristolian Language Lessons DVD. Yer's the trailer for it (Professor appears briefly). Loves it when arr Terr's up the Soufmead Elf Centre, mind!

7. Ali The Cleaner
Anuvver character wot Terry the Odd Job Man introduced us to. One of the bess Bristol accents wot ize ever 'eard. Juss perfeck!
 

8. Neil Maggs
Bristolian maverick, freelance sports journalist 'n radial presenter 'oo dooze parts in comedy shorts 'n awl! Yer 'e takes over from Marvin Rees as Mayor of Bristol!
 
9. Paul Holbrook
Neil av also done some comedy shorts wiv Paul Holbrook, one of they two cousins from Art Cleff be'ind Shunk Films wot av won a few awards, mind. This un's gert mint!


10. Sam Dawe 
Musn't forget Paul's cousin Sam Dawe. Yer's the two of 'em as white van men arguin' bout ooze the 'ardest 'n name droppin' the names of famous 'Ollywood 'ard men wot they've met. Loves it I dooze cuz ize met a few nutters 'oo ackshully come out wiv bawshit like this!


Well, thur it is. The Alternative Bristol Funny List. No one else is gonna agree wiv I bu' then iss not supposed to be taken too serious, mind. 'N not takin' fings too serious is wot bein' funny's all bout, innit?!

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